You would be surprised to know how your pets react to you. When you are absent, they go from sad anticipation to superspy, maleficent angel from Hell. After all, since Valentine’s so close, they want to make sure that you’ve been faithful and that you didn’t give in to that sassy French poodle from the park.

1. Why is she so happy? She must be cheating.

2. Who is sending messages this late at night?

3. This is really creepy.

4. When you get that eerie feeling that someone’s watching you, it’s him.

5. We need to talk.

6. Why you washed your hair today?

7. She’s cheating. That’s why she bought me this terrible sweater.

8. When you see it.

9. Paranormal activity. It’s happening, deal with it.

10. This is dangerous. Your dog needs to see a therapist.

11. We will never leave the house.